| Revitalise
> Therapies > Colonic Irrigation |
 |
| |
| Therapists |
|
| Lucy
Cornish |
|
| Phil
Hall |
|
| Senka
Loosemoore |
|
| Manda
Whittaker |
|
|
|
| |
|
Colonic Irrigation |
|
|
Fact: there’s nothing Kendall won’t do
for SOURCE. This
includes taking three gallons of water up the bum
Words By James Kendall from Source Magazine –
January 2008
Photo By Dan Banda Lee |
|
The
concept
You might recall last year’s Godfather-themed pilot
episode of our new regular feature, SOURCE Virgins. But
the inspiration for the series originally came from my
musings on the subject of colonic irrigation. Since then,
the anticipation (among other things) has been building
solidly.
The reasons
Why haven’t I had a stranger stick a tube up my
arse? I don’t think we really need to spend much
time going through this one. It’s not the first
thing you think of doing when you wake up in the morning:
I know, I’ll get a colonic today. That said, straight
men don’t half spend a lot of time talking about
how disgusting something going the wrong direction up
that one way street is – almost as much as they
spend trying to persuade their girlfriends to try the
‘forbidden love’. The idea of getting a good
pipe cleaning did appeal due to my farmer’s diet
of meat and bread (topped with as many takeaways as I
can sneak past my girlfriend). God only knows what’s
festering in there. I guess I’m about to find out.
Shudder.
The experience
Right up until the night before the treatment I was completely
at ease with the whole idea. Then it suddenly hit me that
I was going to share an intimate room and an even more
intimate position with someone looking at my poo. What
on earth was I thinking? Luckily, Lucy approached the
whole thing with a medical air, talking through the science
of the whole digestive system and how the colonic irrigation
was going to help make the big ol’ tube work better.
It was so interesting that when the moment came to “just
take off your trousers, pants and shoes and pop onto the
bench” I was actually pretty relaxed. As she left
the room to protect my dignity, Lucy suggested I keep
my socks on, which seemed strange considering how intimate
she was about to get.
When she returned, I lay on my side and she lifted the
towel to expose my arse, before proceeding to push a finger
into it. Admittedly she warned me, lubricated it well
and didn’t go deep, but it’s quite an unusual
thing to sign up for with someone you don’t know.
But any woman who has had a smear test – or any
man who has popped into the sexual health clinic and had
an old doctor push a cotton bud down the hole in his penis
– shouldn’t find it too upsetting. Lucy certainly
wasn’t fazed by it in the slightest. Anyway, that
was just foreplay for the main event: the tube. The first
thing to note is that the pipe only goes in about an inch,
so anyone scared of walking like John Wayne for the rest
of the day has an overactive imagination. I must confess,
I didn’t look at it first so I don’t know
how wide it was. It wasn’t uncomfortable in itself,
but there were 15 – 15! – litres of water
to contend with before I could shuffle out of there.
There were a couple of thermostats on the tank to make
sure the water was the right temperature but I was hugely
relieved when I felt a slightly cold sensation at my back
passage – no one wants their arsehole burning on
the inside. So, what did it feel like? It wasn’t
easy to tell what was coming and going, but I think my
bottom was filled with water, which was then filtered
out. In the main it wasn’t in the least bit unpleasant.
In base terms it felt like going for a poo in really slow
motion – so slow that it lasted for an hour. As
any man who likes to settle onto the loo with a good book
will tell you, that’s no bad thing. It is a bit
odd having to relax and just let things flow out but I
tried to keep Lucy talking so I didn’t have to think
about it too much. As a world-class music snob, the new
age soundtrack kept my mind off the oddness.
While part of me wanted to see what treasure was being
dredged up from the deep, I’m not sure I could have
coped with the shared experience. Luckily I had my back
to the examination pipe. Occasionally I would get some
feedback from Lucy. “Oh, it looks like we’ve
hit some fermented gas that’s got stuck,”
she said at one point. “It looks like the head of
a pint of Guinness. Do you drink a lot of lager?”
I hadn’t thought about gas getting trapped in my
colon for weeks, months or years and gave thanks that
it wouldn’t get dislodged naturally in a social
situation. As interesting as the gas was, the most unusual
items to escape my body were hard pellets that looked
like green Maltesers. Now that I’d have like to
have seen.
And then it was over, bar a slightly undignified dash
for the loo, clutching a towel. Lucy told me we’d
made good progress and emptied out about two-fifths or
five-and-a-half feet of colon, more than most. I was pathetically
proud.
Was it worth the wait?
I’m not sure I could have handled the embarrassment
a few years ago, so yes, I’m pleased I did it now,
not when I was a shy 18-year-old. In the days following,
I’m not sure exactly how different I feel. Most
people feel lighter and a bit thinner on the tummy and
I guess I can attest to that. Another session would have
me properly emptied out, so perhaps that will feel different
then – if I ever do wake up thinking, I know, I’ll
get a colonic today. |
|
| Colonic
Information |
- Colonic irrigation clears old faecal matter, gas,
mucus and toxic substances in the colon, leading to
better digestion
- Colonics can help reduce gas, bloating and food
intolerances, and give more energy and clearer skin
- Seventy per cent of the dry weight of poo is made
up of billions of friendly bacteria which help the
colon eliminate bodily waste and protect the body
from infection
- The UK is the most constipated nation in the world
|
| |
|
| Special
thanks to Revitalise www.revitalise-u.com
|
|
|
|
| E-mail
Now or call the reception on 01273 738 389
|
|
